Sunday School Teaching

Are you a Sunday school teacher? Would you be if you were not married to the pastor? It's that time of year - Sunday school starts up next week at our church and the teacher-recruitment phase is in full swing. We've only been here a year but it looks like gathering teachers does not come easily.

So more than once someone has looked longingly at me and described the openings. No one has asked me exactly, just hoped in my direction that I would volunteer.

I'm not going to.

There is no chance that I will teach on a Sunday morning any time soon because I am a mess about 50% of the time just showing up and listening. Give me any responsibility apart from my kids and I might melt into a heap of crazy again.

I don't say all that to these folks. I just say I don't think I'll be able to do that. Thank you for teaching my children. It means a lot to me. I pray for you and I will say thank you and I will tell you how important your investment of time is for our family. God bless you, teachers.

Parsonage

I think I've mentioned before that we are living in a parsonage now. Mostly I love it. It's a nice house, well-cared for, and I'm generally happy not to be responsible for fixing things.

However. There's always a however. The nuances of "my" home belonging to the church (which means it belongs to everyone and no one in particular) and being across the parking lot from the church building and drawing from the same tightly-squeezed budget that everyone is trying to stretch so salaries can be paid... I don't have to repair the roof but there are other things to think about.

There are things I would be trying to do to this house if I owned it but that's not for us to decide. The church budget doesn't have any wiggle room right now so any money spent on our house -- especially for major improvements -- seems like it is taking away from something 'more important'. Sometimes it's like living on a commune, but we're the only ones whose personal living space must balance with the greater good.

Any of you live(d) in a parsonage? How do you handle the gray area around what is good for your family and what is good for the church?

Church Secretary

It's starting to sound like a little theme - budgets, secretaries.... what's next on the list?

I had an odd conversation with the church secretary this week. Since we live in a parsonage next door to church, our mailbox is next to the church mailbox. I go to church at midday to pick my kids up from preschool and so I usually take the mail to the secretary. She is pleasant but not chatty, so it's nice to have a reason to say hello every day.

Last week I brought her the mail and stood over the recycling bin sorting our personal mail. I tossed in a few women's clothing catalogs that don't interest me.

I went down the hall to get my kids and when I walked past her office again she said, "Haven't you heard the rule? When you get fun catalogs you bring them over here so we can look through them!" She was flipping through the catalogs I'd recycled. "I always liked picking up mail for [the previous pastor's wife] because she got the best catalogs!"

I found this awkward. I don't care if she likes looking at catalogs, but it wasn't a collegial "Ooh! don't you love looking at this stuff even when you're not going to buy it?" The implication seemed to be that we have money to buy more expensive clothes than she can afford. It could be true; I'd have no idea. But it was weird.

I think I'll sort my mail at home from now on.

The Parsonage

We live in a parsonage. My husband has been a pastor for ten years and this is our first time in a church-owned house. I think I love it.

When we left the seminary I was dead-set against going to a church with a parsonage. I pictured a sad, neglected house and fights with the property board when the toilet broke.

What I live in right now is a lovely, well-cared for home that has plenty of space for our family. Someone else cuts the grass and shovels the snow. Posh!

The main drawback of being in a parsonage is that the fishbowl effect is magnified. Everyone at church knows where we live. Everyone in our neighborhood knows we are the pastor's family because this house has belonged to the church for decades. My husband jokes about "the compound" - as in, "Today I never left the compound. Home, church, home, church." The church is on one edge of the parking lot and our house is on the other.

I've heard that living in a parsonage can blur the line between home and work but for us, it has made the boundary between more clear. When my husband needs to work he can always get to church, so he rarely works at home.

Ten years ago this would have been an unhealthy situation for us. I would have been too sensitive to being so easily known. I would have felt self-conscious most of the time. Now, however, I am comforted by the congregation's care for us and usually like the easy movement between home and church.

That we are here now reassures me that God knows our needs and He provides for us with wisdom we could not understand. May He lead me to trust Him more.

What's My Responsibility?

A Bible study for moms is meeting at my church this morning and I am not there. It's an established group that meets on a regular schedule and, mostly because I've been sick, I have been only once.

It's a fine group. The study is fine. It's not a group I'd be likely to spend much time with were I not the pastor's wife. And there's the rub: what is my responsibility to the women of our congregation as the pastor's wife?

I am the most widely-known woman in the congregation. Some people assume that, because I am married to the pastor, I am "better" at being a Christian than most. This morning when I dropped my kids off for preschool one of the other moms was teasing me about not going to Bible study this morning. "She's the pastor's wife and she's not going to Bible study?" I replied, in the same light tone, that there is no correlation between being the pastor's wife and being a "good" Christian. She thought that was pretty funny.

It happens that the time during which this group meets is the only time I have to be alone. All my children are at school for only 5 hours each week. I treasure those hours! I'd rather not subtract two of them for a group Bible study.

This situation represents a question I am constantly asking myself. What is my responsibility to the congregation? I appreciate that I have a unique position from which to encourage the women of the church. I want God to use me for that purpose. I also want to take good care of myself; to make choices that sustain me.

What would you do?

3 Things I Try NOT to Say Sunday Morning

1. "My husband says..." If my husband wants someone to know what he thinks, he can tell them.

2. "Sure, I can be on that committee!" The energy of worship and fellowship time can make volunteering for a project seem simple, but it almost never is. Better that I take the time to consider an opportunity before I make a promise. Generally, I think of my role in the church as participatory and supportive rather than leading. My husband leads and organizes a lot and neither the church nor our family needs much more of that from me.

3. "I'm fine." I long for church to be an authentic community. I struggle to be honest, not to vomit the details of my personal life but to be honest when I am miserable or delighted. How can we "rejoice with those who rejoice and mourn with those who mourn" (Romans 12:15) unless we know each other's joys and sorrows?