This week has been better, and I'm pretty sure it's because I've finally taken Therapist's advice about child care. For months Therapist has been telling me it would be wise to have someone else take care of my kids (two) or THREE mornings a week. I was hesitant, then in a phase of desperation finally called a friend for help. She came over twice a week for a long time. She is such a kind friend.
My friend can't do that anymore, and I lined up one day/week of help. And that has not been enough. Therapist adjusted the recommendation to (three) to FIVE days a week. I give in! This week, there was only one day when I had no time off. The decreased strain on my energy is magical.
I am not comfortable with this. I feel like a slacker. I try to frame this as Mom Disability Leave. I was not annoyed when Husband needed to go on leave from his work. Just because there's no official process for moms to do the same does not preclude us from illness.
It's ok to need help for a while.