Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Depression Symptoms: Crying

I am was not a crier. Every once in a while my husband would get a shoulderful when I felt overwhelmed, but mostly I kept my emotions under control.

When husband took medical leave, I cried uncontrollably for a week. I couldn’t do anything because I was crying so much. I didn’t want to go anywhere or talk to anyone because I feared I might burst into tears. Bursting into tears is embarrassing and awkward and, I thought, inappropriate. Even my kids, who are 99% self-centered, were worried about me.

I made it through that week and regained my composure. I thought things were going to get better after that. For a couple of months, they seemed to be. Then some fresh stupidity came about at church and I realized peace was not on the horizon. The crying started again and I couldn’t stop.

The constant crying is what prompted me to see a therapist. It was such a weird feeling. I appreciate a good cry, the kind that relieves stress and afterward I can see clearly things that had seemed foggy. This crying was different. It was like a nosebleed that can’t be stopped. Just when I’d think it was over, I’d start sobbing again. I couldn’t shake it off. I didn’t feel better afterward. I just felt sad.

Taking medication and talking to Therapist both helped this symptom a lot very quickly. Sympathy and perspective were the first two things I got from therapy. I’d closed my world down to a tiny, isolated place where it was hard to not feel desperate.

I’ve learned to talk to some people about how I feel. Writing this blog is a tremendous help in dealing with feelings I don’t understand and feeling like I’m part of a community. Just knowing that people close to me understand things are hard relieves a lot of stress.

To read all the posts in the depression symptoms series, go here.


  1. It's funny how we always long for another person's crosses. I would give just about anything to be able to cry. I don't think I'd care if I felt sad afterwards. I just want to FEEL SOMETHING. I feel like the walking dead, an emotional zombie that just doesn't care about anything at all, no matter how much I try. And if I do feel anything, it is inevitably guilt.

  2. I neglected to mention that the diagnostic tool is actually "crying or the inability to cry." And ugh. I've had episodes like you describe, and that is also miserable. I know this is an especially hard week for you. God is with you.

  3. Depending on the day, I float back and forth between the two of you. I am lonely.

  4. Anonymous,
    I am so sorry. I am thinking of you. I am praying for you. I suspect you do not feel it, but God is with you.

  5. I totally understand what you are saying. I am a Christian wife and mother suffering from major depression. My best friend in the world is a pastor's wife. There's no class in school to prepare you for that role! I'll be praying for you. I started a blog mainly for myself but also to help others who feel like I do. Feel free to check it out. gfornicoia@blogspot.com

  6. I do experience what you are facing. I allowed myself cry and after that at one point of time when you wanted to cry but you just don't feel like to then you are healing...allow yourself to be sad and at one point of time you will realise that its enough and life still go on...cheers..life is short....treasure every moment ...god bless you


Thanks for using this space to share your encouraging words.