Making Friends

Several readers have commented, in various settings, on how difficult it can be to have a good friend within the congregation where your husband is the pastor. I remember being advised by someone at the seminary that we wives ought not to have good friends in the church.

I understand the potential for friendship with church members to go awry, but I would not be content or feel at ease in a church without any close friends. So far, God has provided me with friends in the churches Husband has served.

The women with whom I have been closest are women who have personal experience in church work themselves. One is the daughter of a pastor, another was a teacher in a church school and had several church workers in her family. Their experiences gave them a more-sophisticated-than-average understanding of church politics and the stresses of a clergy family.

In both of those congregations, there was conflict. Sometimes I think my friends disagreed with me or with Husband. In every case, we were faithful to and supportive of each other.

I have my eyes open for God to provide an equally satisfying and supportive friendship in our new setting. I don't mind that this will take time. There is no substitute for a friend who knows the context of my family's life - the congregation - and who is unsurprised by my family's profound imperfections and who trusts God to be faithful.