Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Making Friends

Several readers have commented, in various settings, on how difficult it can be to have a good friend within the congregation where your husband is the pastor. I remember being advised by someone at the seminary that we wives ought not to have good friends in the church.

I understand the potential for friendship with church members to go awry, but I would not be content or feel at ease in a church without any close friends. So far, God has provided me with friends in the churches Husband has served.

The women with whom I have been closest are women who have personal experience in church work themselves. One is the daughter of a pastor, another was a teacher in a church school and had several church workers in her family. Their experiences gave them a more-sophisticated-than-average understanding of church politics and the stresses of a clergy family.

In both of those congregations, there was conflict. Sometimes I think my friends disagreed with me or with Husband. In every case, we were faithful to and supportive of each other.

I have my eyes open for God to provide an equally satisfying and supportive friendship in our new setting. I don't mind that this will take time. There is no substitute for a friend who knows the context of my family's life - the congregation - and who is unsurprised by my family's profound imperfections and who trusts God to be faithful.


  1. have been and will continue to be praying that this person will be revealed to you! God is so good.

  2. Thank you for this post, as we begin our ministry at a new church, I have been warned this same thing and was unsure how to go about things. While I have a very good pastors wife friend in another country and we share alot of stuff niether of us could share anywhere where it could get back to our churches, I am a sociable person and am worried about "fitting in" if I constantly have to be afraid of what I say to who. I will be praying you find good friends in your new church


Thanks for using this space to share your encouraging words.