I understand the value of daily, personal study of the Bible and prayer. I understand this as an invitation from God to give Him my burdens, to be encouraged and strengthened through the Holy Spirit.
I do not have a daily practice of doing these things. I want to. The main thing that inhibits me is how exhausting it can be.
Reading the Bible or praying used to be a mechanical, intellectual endeavor. It took some time management and study skills but no emotional engagement. Lately it has become something entirely different. Any time I read even a short passage and ask God to show me what is there for me that day, it turns into a heart-wrenching, tearful conversation. The subject varies - it might be recognizing something about God's character, or a conviction about some failing on my part. It doesn't matter. Everything is tender and tear-prone.
I don't want to have these emotional episodes every day. I appreciate them. I'm glad that God is opening my heart to Him. But I just want to get through the day without drama.
If there have been times in your life that were like this, how did you handle it?
I remember that when we don't know what to pray for, the Holy Spirit intercedes with groanings on our behalf. Romans 8:26 "In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans."
ReplyDeleteSo some days my personal devotions and prayers just consist of stopping what I'm doing for a minute and thinking, "Spirit, groan for me." I don't know if that's proper, but sometimes that's all I can do, you know?
Mrs. Pastor, thanks so much for your visit today and your comment. I appreciated hearing from you, and it's nice to *meet* you.
ReplyDeleteYour post here is an intriguing one -- funny how it can be easier sometimes to do the mechanics of the thing, acting like we're meeting God when no such thing is really happening -- than being smack in His presence, dining with Him, because of what happens in us when we do. The "drama" as you so aptly put it.
Take the little bits, let Him work with that, come back when you're able. He's only about undoing you to the extent that it drives you to Him.
Blessings to you this evening.
I recommend the book, "Confessions of a Prayer Slacker", by Diane Moody
ReplyDeleteThanks, all, for your encouragement.
ReplyDelete@Carol - I will check out the book. Judging by the title, it ounds exactly right.
I have never had the discipline for a daily devotion because frankly I was to lazy to find the bible passages it told me to and if I just picked a random passage I was at a lost to really know what it meant. My hubby suggested I start using the Treasury of Daily Prayer from CPH. Everything is right there for me. I love it. It has Old and New Testament readings, writings from historical church figures and a prayer as well as a verse from a hymn. It has helped me tremendously.
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