Thursday, July 9, 2009

Things That Make Me Cry, part I

In the past year, my husband has been despised, vilified, and bullied by some leaders in our church. He and I have both been treated for depression. We are desperate to leave this place but God has not yet provided a way out. I cry a lot more than I used to.

Yesterday I was reading Grace Upon Grace by John W. Kleinig. This passage brought tears to my eyes because it is so familiar.

"As a Christian, I know that I shouldn't harbor doubts about God's goodness, nor should I feel hostile toward the people around me. But I do. And I don't receive much help from the Church in dealing with the fact that I do. Where can I turn when I feel that God has betrayed and abandoned me? How can I get rid of my bitterness, anger, rage, and even hatred toward those people who have humiliated and hurt me? What can I do with the guilt and shame I feel about my failure to be the kind of person I should be? What hope is there for me if I am overcome by depression and threatened with a nervous breakdown? People seem to think that such experiences and feelings are out of place in the life of a Christian. The pity of it is that by this very stratagem of denial we miss out on the best opportunities for spiritual growth. The person who avoids his own troubles may, in fact, avoid God." (p. 186-187)


  1. My prayers are for both your husband and you to receive a call soon. For whatever reason, God is allowing you to go through this tribulation. It does not seem fair or right, but perhaps one day you will see that what you are going through right now has given you insight on a situation that is to come that will enable you to help yourself or someone else going through the same problem. Your ability to empathize with them will become important in your continuing role as his wife.

    May Christ give you the strength to carry on and love him and his church despite the hell you are going through because of them.

  2. I know that it is all a mess. I am not praying for a new call. I'm praying that His will be done. I am praying that you are given relief in your sufferings and that you are shown His plan. I know that it doesn't seem this way right now but God has not forsaken you and your family.
    When I was feeling really down and out about our situation I read JOB. Worse book to read when you are feeling so low and beat up and betrayed. BUT in the end you will see that God did not let Satan win in the end. He held to Job as he is doing for you and your family.


Thanks for using this space to share your encouraging words.