Saturday, April 17, 2010

Recovery Week

I've been quiet this week because I suddenly realized how completely exhausted I am. Husband is done. He is no longer pastor at our former church. It is such a relief.

It is not, however, the finished-your-final-exam kind of relief I'd hoped for. It's more of a bad-guys-finally-stopped-chasing-you relief. Several times I longed for a week's beach vacation where my only responsibilities would be moving from bed to beachtowel and back again. I feel spent.

I went on a women's retreat this weekend. I was with a group of several dozen Christian women who did not know me. It was a lovely group -- diverse ages, warm, caring, and open to new friendships. I felt safe among them and realized it's been years since I felt safe in a church group.

God encouraged me through the Bible study and through several different women I met. I was proud of myself for finding a way to be kind & respectful toward our former congregation while also being honest about my sadness. Today someone even described me as "vulnerable," which is not a word I've ever known anyone to use about me.

I feel hopeful and realistic. We have passed an important landmark but the road is still long.


  1. I'm glad you enjoyed your retreat.

  2. I never wanted to go on a pastor's wives retreat. None of the other wives had a life like mine. I work full time and always have. I do not feel anything in common. Pastoring can be lonely in so many ways.

  3. Smokey,

    I know what you mean. For the first few years after my husband finished at the seminary we attended some retreats designed to support pastors & their families starting out in ministry. It was sometimes ok, and sometimes actually painful. I never figured out whether the other women there really liked it and felt supported.

    The retreat I just went on was a generic women's retreat and the diversity of ages, experiences, and personalities was appealing to me.



Thanks for using this space to share your encouraging words.