It is not, however, the finished-your-final-exam kind of relief I'd hoped for. It's more of a bad-guys-finally-stopped-chasing-you relief. Several times I longed for a week's beach vacation where my only responsibilities would be moving from bed to beachtowel and back again. I feel spent.
I went on a women's retreat this weekend. I was with a group of several dozen Christian women who did not know me. It was a lovely group -- diverse ages, warm, caring, and open to new friendships. I felt safe among them and realized it's been years since I felt safe in a church group.
God encouraged me through the Bible study and through several different women I met. I was proud of myself for finding a way to be kind & respectful toward our former congregation while also being honest about my sadness. Today someone even described me as "vulnerable," which is not a word I've ever known anyone to use about me.
I feel hopeful and realistic. We have passed an important landmark but the road is still long.
I'm glad you enjoyed your retreat.
ReplyDeleteI never wanted to go on a pastor's wives retreat. None of the other wives had a life like mine. I work full time and always have. I do not feel anything in common. Pastoring can be lonely in so many ways.
ReplyDeleteSmokey,
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean. For the first few years after my husband finished at the seminary we attended some retreats designed to support pastors & their families starting out in ministry. It was sometimes ok, and sometimes actually painful. I never figured out whether the other women there really liked it and felt supported.
The retreat I just went on was a generic women's retreat and the diversity of ages, experiences, and personalities was appealing to me.
mp