DOXOLOGY

One of the things God has taught me and my husband during these creepy years is how important it is for the pastor to be a pastor - spiritual caregiver - rather than a business manager. It's hard to do. There is a lot of business to be done in a church and it's a trick to stay focused on pastoral care there is a budget crisis or a building project.

The DOXOLOGY program has been very helpful on that front. It's helped my husband think more clearly about his role as a pastor, it's helped me understand what he's doing and why (anyone else ever feel just a tiny bit resentful of church?), and it's given us some time to think about our own spiritual needs.

We'll be at the DOXOLOGY reunion in early August. Anyone else?

Flashbacks

Hi again! I stopped writing for a few months because I didn't feel compelled. This is mostly a diary for me and you get to read along. I need my diary again today.

Dear diary,

Today -- and for the last few weeks -- I've been having flashbacks of the two miserable years we spent at our last church. I've had weird little run-ins with people I associate with that time and seeing them brings back vivid episodes of dysfunction.

This morning my husband mentioned talking to some people from that church and I almost immediately became morose. By the time he'd left for work and my oldest was on the school bus, I could feel the dark mood closing in. I felt an intense urge to eat, cry, or go to bed and sleep all day.

Thank God for the mental wellness to see that and to find an alternative. I called a friend and asked to spend the morning at her house. My two younger kids and I went there and by lunchtime I was good as new. The mood had passed. The rest of the day was balanced and pleasant.

What a distressing bout of crankpot-ism. We've been gone nearly a year and I hardly think of that place or those people anymore. The shape of my life has much to do with what happened there and I've (mostly) accepted that. I have not accepted the emotional intensity those memories still hold.

Boo.